so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
