Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
