You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
