Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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