have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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