Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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