id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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