what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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