They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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