If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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