It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
porn star boner night. come get it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
