i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
