I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize