never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
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We just shotgunned beers for America
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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