So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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