worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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