i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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