ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
