There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
