What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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