Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
