dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is my gift to your gina
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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