you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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