I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
