Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we're making bets on your personal life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
