i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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