No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
