but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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