Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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