He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
