the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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