yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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