Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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