What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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