You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
