Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My bed smells like the plague
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