Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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