there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
