She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
