Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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