so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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