I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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