So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
