I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
