You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
