i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize