worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
