I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
