It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
