I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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