I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize