I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
