i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
handjob tips. give me some.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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