My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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