You're my little dorito
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
honey bunches of taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize