listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
