My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you didnt know i had herpes?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
