This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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