No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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