Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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