if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
