Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
