You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
